I am a glutton for change.
As a kid I loved having the power to change whatever I could. I loved changing my room up, changing my style, and I especially loved changing what I wanted to do in life. I loved the uncertainty change brought. It meant infinite possibilities and opportunities. If something didn’t work out accordingly then change kept things moving.
I thought I knew what freedom was when I moved away to college. Although this was just the beginning of a large transition in my life, it was huge. I started to develop my style, experimented sexually, and fell in love. After five long years of school I was a completely new person than the person I was when I started.
After graduation more change ensued. My semi-conventional life was flipped upside down and inside out. I found myself alone, broke, and struggling to stay afloat. I felt powerless. This time change was not my decision. It was completely out of my control. It was something I needed weather through. In the end I gathered myself, picked myself up, and things began moving again.
Today change means more to me than infinite possibilities and opportunities (although it still means that). Today it means freedom. Having the power to control what I can change is the ultimate freedom.
Eventually I regained control. I regained control of who I am personally. Although I’m still learning who I am (something I’ll do until the very end), I gained the control of being happy. As this part of myself is becoming more stable it is time for new change.
This time change is in the form of my career and my professional identity. I didn’t do anything rash like quit my day job. Instead, I deleted my portfolio. All of the work I completed in school and post-graduation is gone. Completely wiped from my digital existence and hard drives. The process has begun and I’m changing what zfaust means to myself and how I want to portray it to others.
I’m doing this because I don’t feel like that work accurately represents who I am. Yes, the safer route would have been to slowly replace that work with new work. I do agree with that decision. But I’m taking a step outside of the service design industry. Instead of creating for others I’m going to create for myself.
Throughout my year of uncontrollable change I discovered I lost control because I was doing things for other people instead of for myself. My work was inspired by the thoughts of others, my life decisions were made with others in mind, and my side projects stepping stones in a career I didn’t desire.
I don’t know where this process will take me. But as of now the opportunities and freedom are endless as control is once again in the palms of my hands.
So buckle in and keep an eye for more. Follow me on the gram @zfaust for more updates.